Most of my friends and family, while they're proud of me, are probably secretly thinking I'm insane for trying to do this. And sometimes, while I'm frantically dashing off emails over Ruby's head while she's feeding (like right now), I do feel a little manic. But I've just kept thinking to myself, over and over, my favorite New Zealand highway sign, "Merge like a zip":
(The New Zealand road rule for blending two or more lanes into one:
a zip is a zipper, for you Americans out there)
Each day is flowing together in a different pattern, but somehow the baby's schedule, boys' schedules, CD details, James' studies, dishes, laundry, sleeping, friends, emails... somehow they're all merging (blurring!) together, and what doesn't get done today gets saved for tomorrow, and I am learning to release and receive, release and receive. Release my own agenda, and receive God's. Release my nap, and receive Ruby, whimpering in my arms, as a gift. Release control, and receive... peace. I have my freak-out moments, every several days, but they're like red pimply blips along the path and then things settle back down to the whir and rhythm of "merge like a zip, merge like a zip"...
And we are just a few days away from final mixing, final editing, and then mastering... and the CD cover graphics came through yesterday and look beautiful... and we are gathering quotes for duplicating this dream gift from God to me, through me, so that it can be broken bread and poured out wine, passed out to God's people for the nourishment of their souls... and in the breaking and pouring, I am somehow nourished too.
Would you pray with me, as I rock and shush and swaddle and sing and croon, for the completion of this collection of songs, that it would be shining and shimmering grace? That all the details would slip into place, that the final product would be exactly how I dreamed it would be, that it would be a blessing?