I have a confession to make.
I usually write and re-write each post several times, trying to get them word-perfect, thinking through everything to the enth degree to make sure I sound really profound...
I hardly ever write unscripted, directly onto the screen, like I'm doing now. Part of my reason for writing and editing posts ahead is our usually frustratingly slow Internet (which seems to have picked up this afternoon). But mostly I do it because I like to look perfect.
I like looking perfect. I like to have my act together, do life fast and efficiently, never drop any balls.
Well, God called my bluff.
Here's a grainy PhotoBooth picture of my two feet, currently stretched out on our veranda couch, and my latest acquisition: kasteli, in Russian.
And here are a few thoughts on my two days so far - out of thirty - which I will spend on crutches...
Top Ten Things My Broken Foot Has Taught Me (so far):
#1 - Using crutches really hurts your armpits.
#2 - Not being able to do things fast - or at all - is driving this efficiency-craving person crazy.
#3 - Sara Groves' latest album, Invisible Empires (which I listened to in the car yesterday on my 2.5 hour journey - each way - to and from the city to get my foot x-rayed and casted) has taken on a new and deeper meaning.
Especially this song... (shown here live)...
#4 - The book I started reading today and can't put down, Behind The Beautiful Forevers: life, death and hope in a Mumbai undercity (Katherine Boo), has put my entire life into perspective in a way I could not have absorbed before Friday. If I am feeling inconvenienced and frustrated by a tiny crack in a toe-bone, how do I have a right to complain when so much of the world lives in poverty and agony and mark their good days by whether or not they had to eat rats for supper?
I have so. much.
I am so. blessed.
#5 - Being forced to slow down is good for me. (You'll notice this is almost a repeat of #2, except here? It's positive. See? I'm learning already.)
#6 - Being required to rest shows me how bad I am at it. This is not a good thing. Which makes me thankful for the chance to learn how to do it better.
#7 - Having to depend on others for the simplest things (like toilet paper to blow my nose) is both humbling and life-giving. The truth is, I am dependent, whether I like to admit it or not. Hobbling around on one leg requires me to acknowledge that truth. Which said acknowledgement is healthy for my soul.
#8 - Realizing I have the best husband in the world is making me fall in love with him all over again. (As I type this, he's humming in the kitchen while making dinner.)
#9 - Depending on other people makes me depend on Jesus more. (see #7...is there a theme here?)
#10 - Breaking my foot earned me 8 hours in a car by myself (well, if you don't count my wonderful local taxi driver, who patiently ferried me all over the hot city from place to place). It was a unexpected but oddly satisfying break from the routines of home, a chance to reconnect with God through music, and through meeting brand-new and surprisingly helpful and compassionate images of Himself. I'm not saying I'll go out and break another bone just to have time to myself (ok, the thought has crossed my mind) - but every cloud does have a silver lining!
Extra Credit: #11 - Crutches can be used for all kinds of things, including machine guns and electric guitars.
So... there you have it. God called my bluff, and I'm now asking Him for the grace and patience to make it through another 28 days of hobbling, being needy and dependent, and asking for help.
Pray with me?