collecting my thoughts

I feel really out of practice.  Apart from the fact that I don't think anyone is actually reading this blog (aside from perhaps my Mom), I'm discouraged by the fact I haven't actually composed anything for anyone else to read in a long time.  College days are dimly in the past, and my journalling is mostly for survival with a chance creative phrase thrown in... I definitely don't feel educated or literate or articulate anymore.  Well, no time like the present to start practicing again-- and practice makes, as they say... 

Another problem is the fact that my perfectionism wants this blog to look perfect before I start really using it, but I can't seem to find the time to figure out how to make it look the way I want-- and who cares, anyway?  I don't want this to turn into a pity party for a witless person who hasn't spent the time to get to know cyber space-- and yet I do feel a bit forlorn at the thought of all the catching up I have to do-- at the tender age of 26!  Why do I already feel the technological age has left me far behind?  I have only vague ideas of how to use youtube or myspace or that other thing-- facebook-- and I'm not actually making the time to learn more.  What am I doing with my time?  Not emailing as many people as I'd like, that's for sure... not making phone calls to people I've neglected... not even spending as much time with my sweet little boy as I'd like... where does my time go?  Into reading Elizabeth Goudge novels?  Isn't that a terrible waste?  Am I really that desperate to escape from my own reality?  

This is supposed to be a family blog.  What am I doing?  Ranting just to rant, to feel I've done something with my evening, I've contributed something to the cyber world of updates... and this isn't even really an update.  ::sigh::  

Ok, so the Family Update is: The Broughtons are taking a trip.  A seemingly crazy but supposedly necessary trip.  And hopefully enjoyable as well.  We are leaving (if all goes well with visa applications) next Saturday, flying halfway around the world with our 9 month old, and then I'm going to tackle 40 boxes of Stuff by myself-- get rid of half of it (hopefully), send some of it "home" to New Zealand, and send the rest across the border to our new home.  (Home.  Gee, what a relative word.  That's a whole post by itself. )  

Am I nervous about the trip?  Yes, if I think too much.  Am I scared?  Yes, well, sort of-- actually, not anymore.  Do I think I can do this?  Yes, if God helps me every step of the way.  No, if I haven't slept well the night before or if it's very late at night.  Am I just being modest and deep down I know I'm a capable person who will love to rise to the challenge?  Well, yes, actually.  So why don't I just be honest about that?  Well, because it doesn't feel right for a woman to feel ok about taking a trip halfway around the world with her 9 month old in tow to sort a bunch of boxes and say goodbye all by herself... but why doesn't it feel right?  It most certainly is ok, if the woman is relying on Jesus and not herself.  The proverbial bottom line.

Hmmm.  Not a lot of thought collecting here... a lot of external processing, though.  If anyone is actually reading this still, I think there will be more to come, and hopefully practice will make-- if not perfect, at least improved.