Monday, January 16, 2012

really SEEING grace {Remembering December: Part 2)

I breathe slow.  
I flip pages of white, lists scrawled in blue.  My counting to 1000 the last month of the year.  Numbers jump off the page, memories of grace...

197. That God protected Ben’s skull (he fell off our bed backwards and hit the radiator)
198. Good doctor advice
202. Ben sleeping through the night despite his cut head
203. A working hand and a pen to write down gifts
206. A doctor only a phone call away

208. A new furnace being installed!
209. Running water
210. A working washing machine
211. Electricity to run the washer
212. Load of bloody clothes (Ben’s) getting cleaned
213. Righteousness as filthy rags, the blood of Jesus that cleanses from sin 

283. Daddy playing with the boys at lunchtime instead of doing the furnace!
284. A diesel furnace, installed and working!

301. The Rilke quote on my kitchen desk
302. The image of a tapestry of my life
303. The Holy Spirit's patterning - much more beautiful and balanced than mine could ever be 

367. The chance to study the Bible in this language
368. My house helper
369. A new, fresh week unrolling
370. Wearing my grandmother’s sweater, who’s with Jesus right now

407. A trip to the bazar alone
408. Riding home with a cow’s head in the taxi trunk!

417. A prolonged Russian lesson
418. A friend who won’t let me quit and who’s adorable while doing it!
419. Naptime, finally!

421. And all at once, 

with the releasing of threads and picking them up again one at a time, as directed
with the holding of everything loosely 
and the delicious expectation of every day beginning differently 
and containing different things, ordered by the Pattern-Maker
I am suddenly and ridiculously happy

Is this the secret of being content in all things? 

And is contentment the wellspring of joy?

434. Grace and more grace
435. Losing my temper 4 times in half an hour - thankful for grace and my kids showing it to me
436. Stability restored

455. A stage to sing on
456. Tired souls to sing to
457. Christmas carols and the truth of them

458. Finding chicken breast sold in our town!
486. IBProfin
487. Warm soft wool sweaters
488. A good nap
489. A neck warmer
490. Hot tea
491. Chicken soup for dinner

545. A fifteen-minute walk all by myself
546. A cluster of red berries
547. Snowy lanes
551. Everything encrusted with crystal
552. Sparkling grape vine tendrils at eye level
553. The gift of new awareness

573. A long sleep-in!
574. Ready-made breakfast!
575. A gracious husband!

While I wrote my December gifts, climbing doggedly towards joy, each new habit-forming nail pounded hard.  Dull.  Mundane.  
But looking back, the joy comes steady.  Looking back, I can see grace.  


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